I realized something today. I'm not nearly as strong of a person as I was two years ago. As I look back at how I handled my previous two pregnancies, I don't know how I did it (and with such a positive attitude). Back then, I couldn't do anything for myself. Steve and my mom had to help me get dressed, use the bathroom, drive me to work, make all my meals and so much more. I can do all those things myself this time, yet I feel so exhausted and miserable.
I can't help but think that back then I had to prove to everyone that I could do it. I could be disabled and still not only handle being pregnant, but I could be a good mother as well. I can't help but ask myself, "was it knowing that so many people thought I couldn't/shouldn't be a mother that made me so much stronger just so I could prove them all wrong?" Maybe. I guess I'm okay with that.
Everything in our lives has an affect on who we are and who we will become. I always felt that growing up disabled made me a stronger person. As I look back on her, well me, I can't help but think that she was an amazing woman. I'm sure if I dig deep enough I can find that strength once again. I just have to take the first step in doing so.