I realized something today. I'm not nearly as strong of a person as I was two years ago. As I look back at how I handled my previous two pregnancies, I don't know how I did it (and with such a positive attitude). Back then, I couldn't do anything for myself. Steve and my mom had to help me get dressed, use the bathroom, drive me to work, make all my meals and so much more. I can do all those things myself this time, yet I feel so exhausted and miserable.
I can't help but think that back then I had to prove to everyone that I could do it. I could be disabled and still not only handle being pregnant, but I could be a good mother as well. I can't help but ask myself, "was it knowing that so many people thought I couldn't/shouldn't be a mother that made me so much stronger just so I could prove them all wrong?" Maybe. I guess I'm okay with that.
Everything in our lives has an affect on who we are and who we will become. I always felt that growing up disabled made me a stronger person. As I look back on her, well me, I can't help but think that she was an amazing woman. I'm sure if I dig deep enough I can find that strength once again. I just have to take the first step in doing so.
Dearest Jean, you truly are a remarkable young woman. Nothing has changed in that format. What I see is a thoughtful, caring, loving wife and mother who is learning new things and doing the best job possible each and every day. Your precious daughters are much older. Not only have their environments expanded, so have those of you and your husband. Your months during pregnancy have been full of activities you were unable to accomplish previously. I know you have volunteered at church, programs at school, and scouting. You shop for groceries, prepare meals, drive the girls to activities, go out for lunch with friends, shop independently with Mom and friends, hike, participate in m. arts, continue to write your book, oversee homework, arrange play dates for the girls, bake cupcakes and brownies, walk in "high heels", shower independently, make new friends, help others, keep up with the laundry..... the list is endless. You, dearest Jean, are even more remarkable today. I am honored to know you, love you, and can't wait to hug you!
ReplyDeleteKay is right! You are much busier and now you're responding to the end of pregnancy exactly the way the rest of us able-bodied people feel just before we see those new little people.
ReplyDeleteCut yourself some slack!