Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Not My Turn

My whole life I have been the patient.  Growing up my parents took me to more doctor's appointments than I could count (as well as scheduled surgery's).   As an adult, either my mom or Steve took me to all my appointments.  My parents and Steve were with me when I had to have my Bachlophen Pump implanted and they were there for me last year when I had to have it taken out.  It was always me in the hospital bed.  I never knew what it was like to be on the other side, until this weekend.

Steve was admitted into the hospital New Years Day with a swollen Epiglottis.  The ENT specialist sped the whole way to the hospital and had an OR booked in case he had to put a breathing tube in him.  I sat in the uncomfortable chair as Steve lay in the short ER bed thinking that it should be me, not him.  The ENT specialist placed a scope down Steve's nose to get a good look at his swollen throat.  Luckily for us, it wasn't to the point of sending him to the OR.  However, Steve would be placed in the ICU overnight as a precautionary.  I was assured that he would be okay.  He was given an IV to receive antibiotics and steroids for two days and not allowed to eat (in case they had to put him under).  This was all so scary and I didn't have my partner to lean on because this time it was him that needed the help.

I kept thinking the same two things over and over. 1) Please let him be okay.  2)  Thank God that I have the physical capabilities to have gotten myself here so I can be with him.

A year and a half ago I could not have parked in the hospital ramp and walked all that way.  I was able to be by my husbands side when he needed me (even though he told me I didn't need to be there).  I could go get the nurse when he needed something and I could just be there for him.

When I went home that Sunday night, I could tell I was getting a UTI.  I called my OB and she sent me to the maternity assessment center at a nearby hospital for lab work.  I was exhausted from the unbelievable stressful day I had just had.  All I wanted to do was try and get some rest. In times past, it would have been Steve to take me to where I needed to be.  I didn't have him though.  All I had was myself, but that was okay this time.  I had to get there on my own and thanks to my new medication, I could do it on my own  (tears and all).

I'm not sure how I would have handled this weekend if I was not on my new medication.  The stress of it all would have made my muscles even more unmanageable than ever before.   I am blessed in so many ways:  my husband is alive and safe and I know that I can take care of him as he has always done for me.  Thank you God for these wonderful gifts.


  1. If there is any place you know how people act---it's in the hospital. I'm thankful too for your physical capabilities, but even more for you being able to feel like a strong determined woman who can handle life.

  2. Thanks Ann! I hadn't even thought of that.

  3. Ann is a gem in both our lives. We are so thankful for your physical capabilities, your love and kindness, your steadfast faith and gratitude, and your entire family, dearest Jean! Kay and Gary